Don't Just Stare, HELP!

Today, I finally took Aspen to her four year old well-being check-up. Four months late. I’d like to say this is not a normal thing to procrastinate appointments for her, but that’d be a lie. She’s four years old and has yet to see the dentist, the eye dr., and this explains why her hair is usually ratty and bangs are consistently in her eyes. I DREAD appointments! And after today, I remember why!

Scheduling appointments is already difficult because we are a one vehicle family, but I also cannot take both children with me to any appointments by myself so I have to arrange every appointment around Vaughn’s schedule. He either has to stay home with one kid or we both have to go together. I’m embarrassed to even admit that. I feel like such a failure as a mom that I have to rely so heavily on another person to help me. This is the same with grocery trips, play dates, and really any errand I may have to run. I’ve tried in the past to do things without him and I physically and emotionally could not handle it by myself, which is just another reason I am so thankful God gave me such an amazing partner in this parenting journey.

But here’s just a glimpse into a typical appointment day with Aspen and why I'm not about to add another toddler to the chaos.

The thing is- Aspen’s a runner. And not just a runner- a very curious, fast runner. And when she’s not a runner; she’s a “plopper”! Let me explain. If she’s not trying to run away from you she literally PLOPS on the ground, no matter where you are. (often times in the middle of a busy street or parking lot) And when she plops, she goes limp with her dead weight, making it nearly impossible to get her up unless you are tearing off her limbs. The next step is physically carrying her to your destination, which then becomes a kicking and screaming trying to escape scene. I discovered today she weighs nearly 40 lbs. Nearly a 1/3 of my typical body weight. By this time, I don’t even care how I have to carry her as long as I get to our destination safely, which usually entails lots of strangers’ stares, a few glares, a couple sympathetic smirks, and of course that one comment “you sure have your hands full.”

Ok, I finally get inside the building. I made it to my first destination. Now for the waiting, check-in process. As I wait to get checked in, Aspen sees a new place full of adventure and lots of hallways and doors to explore, which means typically another 10-15 minutes of chasing her around the lobby before they finally call my name. The next few minutes are also probably quite entertaining to the outside world as I struggle to either carry her or interlock her between my legs as she screams or cries as she tries to escape my python tight grasp around her body as I’m digging out my insurance cards and signing papers and forms.

Yes! Destination two is complete. Now to the actual appointment. We’re almost there. The good news is, at least by now, we are in a small enclosed room with a few toys. However, the toys are never good enough when there is a doctor’s computer to play with and a bunch of other fun looking doctor utensils. After another 10 minutes of redirection, trying to bribe her with YouTube and sugary treats, and praying none of the equipment gets broken, the doctor shows up.

The physically demanding part is over, but now comes the emotional struggles. All of the pediatricians we have seen have been absolutely wonderful, but I still dread all of the typical questions they must ask. “Can she do ‘X’? Does she do ‘Y’? ‘Z?’” I want to tell them every little milestone and word she CAN say and do, so they get a true understanding of what she is capable of, but I know there is not time for that so I typically respond with, “No, not yet…”

After all of the questions, comes the bloodwork... The most dreaded part of the whole appointment-for me! She does FANTASTIC. She had three different shots, plus a total CBC with a thyroid blood check done today, and not even one tear was shed! However, my nerves and emotions will be high until I receive the phone call with the results. We have been VERY blessed with an overall very healthy little girl. However, I also know the many potential health risks with individuals with Trisomy 21 and can’t help but feel nervous after every CBC is done.

We did it! The appointment is over- only one more destination to conquer. The trek back to the van. This time, however, with a tired, poked and prodded toddler and a grumpier, wearier mom. By this time, I usually don’t even try to let her walk by herself and decide to just side carry her the whole way to the van because I’m too exhausted to fight “the plop”. I walk through the lobby, toddler in stow with the same stares and glares directed toward us, but this time too “done” to really care. Once the van is in sight, I take my last drop of energy to lift her into her car seat, buckle her in and head home. Yes, I did it!

Now if you know Aspen at all, you probably giggled reading this because you know how unexaggerated this description is. (I’m not kidding!) Going anywhere with this kid is a challenge. I don’t share this to complain or people to ‘pity’ me because I promise there is absolutely nothing to pity! I also don’t want you to judge me or think less of me as a mom or think I’m incapable of taking care of my children on my own. I’m sharing this just to show a glimpse into my life. I want you to know that being a mom to a child with special needs is not always easy. But being a mom to any child is not easy! Now there are times that I look at other families with jealousy because they can go to activities and appointments with their multiple children and not even have to worry about their child constantly running off or causing a big scene and there are times that I look at other “typical” 4 year olds and get a little sad about all of the words they are saying and all of the milestones they are accomplishing. However, I’m constantly reminded how blessed I truly am to have such an adventurous, curious, healthy little girl and how many amazing, wonderful things Aspen CAN do!

I write all of this to say- the next time you see a struggling mom, don’t stare or glare or roll your eyes at her “difficult” child and don’t just stand by and pity her- instead HELP her! Open a door, give her a smile, and tell her she’s doing a great job because at that moment, that’s all she really needs!