Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Make My Heart Whole

Originally written February 2014

In mid-September it was confirmed with two purple pluses; I was going to be a mom. In that very moment, my mind was flooded with emotions. Excitement, happiness, surprise, stress, anxiety, worry, pretty much a little of it all… As Vaughn and I began to think about our new adventure in life, the more the emotions came. As weeks went by, our excitement grew, along with our worries (and my belly). Prenatal vitamins, doctor appointments, ultrasounds, nursery ideas, and hospital bills became our reality and the stress of it all hit. In November, wreceived some not-so-good and definitely some shocking news about our sweet little bundle of joy. It definitely put a new perspective on life for us, but also on a new level of worry. When our 20 week ultrasound came around, the technician was concerned about the possibility of a hole in our baby girl’s heart and we scheduled a fetal echocardiogram to further examine. Sure enough, the echocardio confirmed that our sweet little princess does have a medium to large VSD (ventrical septum defect) that will within time require surgery. Vaughn and I left the hospital in high spirits, but within time my high spirits quickly faded.  Nothing can drop you to your knees quicker than bad news from the hospital, especially about your child. When I got home the stress and worry piled on and I began to pray. I prayed and I prayed hard. I don’t think I’ve ever called on the name of Jesus more. I begged him in prayer to heal my baby’s heart-to fill that hole.
Then it hit me- we are all born with a hole in our heart. A hole so big that desperately needs filled. A God-shaped hole that only Jesus himself can fill; a hole perfectly sized for our Savior to live. We all should be desperately crying out to Jesus to heal and fill our hearts, but only when there’s a physical hole is when we see our need for Him. I continue to be on my knees daily in prayer –crying out to Jesus to fill my baby girl’s heart, but now I cry out for Him to continue to fill mine. “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.”  Ephesians 3:17

Lord, today I cry out to you. Fill my heart, Jesus. Fill it with you. I recognize my need for you and the desire for my heart to be made whole.

1 comment:

  1. Irene VernonNovember 18, 2014

    Jill, thank you for sharing your mother's heart. I am always amazed by your understanding of His love and your tremendous faith, even when it involves your precious baby having heart surgery. May He be close tonight, permeating every thought and every moment as you count down the hours and minutes. You will be held up high by our prayers.